How to Deal With Being Alone During the Holidays
For some, the holidays are a few carefree weeks of celebration. For others, they’re a difficult slog and a stark reminder that you’re unable to spend quality time with friends and family.
Being alone is difficult, and being alone during the holidays can magnify some of those feelings tenfold. But as difficult as it can feel, there are opportunities to help make the holidays feel less like a time when everyone else is out having fun.
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Here, you’ll find a few various things you can do if you’re by yourself this holiday season.
1. Practice Self-Care
The concept of self-care looks different for everyone, but it’s still absolutely necessary. This could mean seeing a therapist or increasing the number of regular visits. It could mean leaning on a spouse or close friend (feeling alone doesn’t necessarily mean you are alone), or taking a trip just to change your surroundings.
Making sure you’re putting yourself first is important. Don’t just stay busy for the sake of it. There’s nothing wrong with skipping the office holiday party if quality alone time is what you’re in the mood for. For some people, self-care can even be a matter of catching up on chores.
“If you're going to be alone, don't let that stop you from having a good time,” advises family clinician Lauren Cook. “You might enjoy going to the movies, doing a deep clean of your apartment or getting knee deep in a passion project.. Get yourself in a state of flow where you lose track of time.”
It also may be advisable to avoid social media and other time-sinks if you think they’ll have a negative effect on your psyche.
2. Avoid Self-Destructive Habits
Avoid patterns of behavior that you know can put you in a bad headspace: drinking too much alcohol, overeating comfort foods or even dating just for the sake of it. “Are you numbing out with overeating, alcohol or online dating?” asks divorce coach Catherine Blake. “Pay attention here that you don’t let your self-care routine slide in order to avoid the pain.”
After all, part of practicing self-care also means avoiding negative habits.
3. Volunteer Your Time
Taking the time to help those less fortunate will not only feel like time well spent, but it can also help to put your pain in perspective. There are plenty of opportunities around the holidays: volunteer at a soup kitchen, nursing home or toy drive. Animal shelters are a great option, too, helping to “relieve stress and loneliness,” says Ethan Szalar, a recovery coach at Mountainside.
“If someone isn’t ready to commit to buying a dog or cat, they can volunteer at a local animal shelter and enjoy interacting with the animals there while experiencing a greater sense of purpose.”
Helping others and seeing their gratitude can be a great way to re-contextualize the way you feel about the holidays. It’ll also allow you to appreciate the things you do have.
4. Create New Traditions
Have something to look forward to with a newly crafted tradition. Think along the lines of a nice dinner at your favorite restaurant every year, or maybe even a weekend getaway if you can afford it. If you have a friend (or friends) in a similar situation, you could even start the tradition together. The point here is to create a new ritual, spinning what could be a depressing situation into something that’ll up the excitement level as the year finishes out.
“For myself, I hated spending the Thanksgiving when I did not have my daughter with my family,” says Blake. “I felt like I was missing a part of me. So I started hosting Friendsgiving for other solo and single parents.”
Look at that blank space during the holidays as an opportunity instead of something to dread.
5. Seek Out Other People Like You
Look to join a class around the holiday season. Not only will you get those endorphins pumping, but you’ll likely discover other people who are alone of the holidays for whatever reason.
“Taking an exercise class at a local gym can help people make friends and meet others like them,” says Szalar. “Alternately, they can make new friends while exploring new passions by signing up for a cooking class or cooking a special dish they have always wanted to learn how to make.”
The most important thing is to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. If you’re having suicidal thoughts or ideations, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is always an option if necessary. Alternatively, call (800) 273-8255 as you are never truly alone.
These ideas may help if you’re feeling a bit down. You might form new connections and make new friends, sure, but at the very least, you’ll at least learn how to bake a three-tiered cake or discover you really love painting.
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